Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Teaser Tuesday

Here it is.  My first Teaser Tuesday.  I've done lots of these on my mommy blog, but this is different.  This is a writing blog.  That means other writers are reading it!  *feeling sick*  Laypeople and friends and family read my mommy blog.  They like almost anything I write.  Here's the a comment from my aunt on the last teaser I posted.  "Impressive writing! Sounds like a real book!"  Mm hmm, so you can see why I'm scared to post this where people could critique it just a bit deeper.  And yes, I've had betas, but one at a time isn't so bad in comparison to uh, you know, the world.

I'm thinking there are 3 scenarios that happen when people post a snippet of their work on their blog.  Their readers could: 

A) be in awe of the writing and feel a little out of their league, thus making them squeamish to comment. 
B) see that the writing level is similar to theirs and I think, "Wow, we could totally be writing buddies!"
C) see that the writing stinks and begin to doubt all the "advice" this blogger has given out.

I'm hoping I fall somewhere closer to B.  I think we're all on varying levels of B, and each have our strengths and weaknesses, but I'm sure there are some A and C writers as well.

Disclaimer:  Before I get to the teaser, know that I'm a very "get to the point" person.  I don't dawdle with "how-de-do's" or "nice weather we're having" small talk.  Unfortunately, this quality passes over into my writing.  I give all my attention to the dialogue and action, leaving the description to fend for itself in a little innertube in the ocean.  Painting a picture is just not my strongpoint.  I've been searching for a genre to fit my writing style, and the snippet below is my attempt at middle grade.  Is this my niche?  I have no idea, but it seems to flow pretty naturally for me. 

Now, after the what could and could not happens and the disclaimer, I'll finally get to the darn teaser.  Fingers crossed!  (And I inhaled so many salsa-flavored Sun Chips while writing the above, my jaw literally hurts from chewing.)

The book, tentatively titled "The Bracelet's Call," is about a 13-year old girl who comes across a charmed glowing bracelet and unknowingly makes a wish that causes strange things to happen to her body.  In this scene, Cam is at the dinner table the night after finding the bracelet.


My brother threw a biscuit at me from across the table.  “Earth to Bucky, Mom wants to look at your bracelet.  What are you, deaf?”
“Shut up, Darren.”  I hated when he called me Bucky.  He came up with the nickname last year because my two top teeth stick out.  I grabbed the biscuit and hurtled it back at him, hitting my mother in the forehead instead.   
She gave me an annoyed scowl and placed the biscuit on the side of her plate.  “Can we try to keep the food on the table, please, and the name calling to a minimum?”
Darren snickered then shoved a huge forkful of mashed cauliflower into his mouth.  He made a point of keeping his mouth open as he rolled the white goo around with his tongue, giving me a front seat view.  Yeah, he was going to get a girlfriend soon.
“So let’s see the bracelet,” Mom said again.
I averted my attention from the horror show that was my brother to my mom’s intent gaze.  “Uh, okay.”  Slowly removing my arm from beneath the table, I held it out for her to see.
 “That’s very pretty.  Is there a story behind it?”
I tensed.  What did that mean?  “Uh, I don’t think so.  Why?”
“Oh, well, I just thought since it was Native American it might have a story behind it.  Sometimes the patterns in the beads tell a story.”
“N-no, not this one.”
My mom smiled.  “Okay.  Just asking.”  She pointed to my plate with her fork.  “Now eat.”
I hid my arm back under the table again then realized I had the bracelet on my right wrist.  I don’t think I could manage eating with my left hand.  I had to switch arms.  Fidgeting with the clasp, I tried to get it open.  It wouldn't budge.
“What are you doing, honey,” asked my mom.
“Nothing,” I said, swallowing the lump in my throat.
“You’re chewing on your tongue.  You only do that when you’re concentrating.”
Stupid tongue.  It always gave me away.  Sighing, I said, “I’m just trying to unhook my bracelet and I can’t do it.”
“Ah, Baby Bucky can’t get undressed by herself?” Darren said with a sneer.
“Stop calling me Bucky!”  My fingers clutched the sides of my chair just so I wouldn’t punch him.  I never called him names.  What gave him the right to call me them?  Chad’s face entered my head and the girls rolling their eyes in gym.  It didn’t matter whether I was home or in school.  Everyone made fun of me.  I was sick of it.  I wished they could see what it did to me inside.  Maybe then they’d stop.
“Darren, I told you no more name calling,” my mother scolded.  “Here, Camille, let me help you with it.”
I looked down at my wrist and my throat tightened.  The bracelet was glowing again!  I couldn’t let them see it.  “Uh, I have to go to the bathroom,” I managed to squeak out as I shoved back from the table and dashed out of the room.
I locked the bathroom door behind me and clawed at the bracelet.  I had to get this thing off me!  My fingers dug beneath the clasp, trying to pry it off but it was no use.  It was almost as if the beads had adhered to my wrist.  I couldn’t even fit a finger beneath them and my skin.  What was going on? 

5 comments:

  1. I think this is awesome, Julie! I too am an innertube in the ocean type writer so I loved your analogy. We really don't always need or want to know the textures of the food on the table or the color of the room or be told about the sounds of ozone-destroying lawnmowers in the background because the protagonist's family always eats dinner before the saffron sun sets, blah, blah, blah.

    This feels YA to me and a 13 yr old protagonist is early YA or late MG, so you could go either way. But in either genre, it works. I'd definitely keep reading. Good job.

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  2. Thanks so much, Claire. Having been my first beta reader ever, I'll always have a soft spot in my heart for you. :) It's funny that you mention it could be a YA. It had originially started as a YA but I was told my YA writing is more like MG so I thought I'd give it a shot. I'm glad you liked it.

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  3. I think it's a lovely premise for MG, Julie, depending on what you do with it (in other words, I think it could be YA, too--the maturity of the themes, the content, and the context will make all the difference). I'm looking forward to reading it!

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  4. Well, it's good to know I've got options with this. As I get further along, I'm hoping the direction will make itself known. I also have another character, Migizi, who's fighting against the Native American customs his grandfather is forcing on him. I definitely think this could go the YA route in that Cam begins to get feelings for Migizi (who's been her best friend since elementary school), but it all depends on how far I want to take that. Something as light as hands brushing across the other's or heavier like kissing?

    I realize I'm blabbering on now. Sorry!

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  5. I think it go either way, although I must say I have not ready any MG for a long, long time. It's something I need to brush up on! However, I did feel this could fit YA just fine, but it also depends on where it goes. Judging something like from only an excerpt is difficult and often inaccurate.

    I don't think you need a ton of details, either. There was enough here to firmly seat me in the story.

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